A tast of my Heavenly Father's love

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Sawyer, tonight I feel like Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to glimpse his love for his children, particularly me and you. I know you can't read this yet, but one day you will. This may seem like a strange way to feel his love, but I felt it nonetheless and need to share it with you. Before I go on, I need to give a long background story to lead up to tonight's experience, so bear with me! After 4 months of poor sleep and several different methods to try to help, I was feeling hopeless. I had prayed many times and felt despair. Until you are an overtired parent you may not understand why lack of sleep can depress you so much, but I assure you sleep deprivation is bad for the body AND spirit. I finally took some advice from your aunts, cousins, and pediatrician...and read a book: Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I was skeptical at first. He gives several options to teach children how to learn to sleep healthy. I had tried all of them but the extinction method...you cry all night to learn to self soothe and learn night is NOT mommy or daddy time. I was at my braking point so I tried it filled with doubt. The first week you cried every night for 2 hours initially and then several times throughout. It was heart-wrenching. You did however have a longer period of sleep (2 hours) than you had in 4 months. Then we went on vaca and you got sick. I couldn't bear to have my sick little baby crying all night so we went back to waking every 20-45 min nightly. After you finished your prescription and now after 5 moths of poor sleep, I was once again feeling desperate, I said a prayer asking for direction. I then picked up this book and reread the appropriate chapter for you. I immediately felt like I had to try again. This time it was all or nothing. I prayed again and said, "this is my choice; if this is what Sawyer needs I need progress fast because I'm not going to handle 1-2 hour crying all night. It's too hard!" that night you broke a record...fell asleep after 5 min, and slept 3 hours. I felt encouraged. Next night 1 min, and 4 hours, next night 1/2 min 6 hours and repeated the following night. We went out the next and it threw you off. So, once again it was every 20-45 min of sleep. But the next night, back to 1/2 min and 6 hours. Well after that 3rd 6 hour night, you went back to crying for 1 hour and only sleeping every 45 min. Once again I was thrust down in despair. Now comes tonight. I could hardly stand putting you down when you immediately started screaming, but I am sick and knew I really should just leave the room. I started crying because I could hear how heartbroken you were and I couldn't take it! I got in a hot bath to help me feel better and where it was harder to hear your screams. 5 min turned into 30 and my resolve was dwindling. I then poured out my heart to Heavenly Father because I felt like I couldn't survive knowing you were having such a hard time. During this prayer several things happened. There is no doubt in my mind Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers even over seemingly silly things such as sleep. The first thing that happened was you stopped crying and fell asleep. The second was all the feelings and truths that came into my heart and mind. So here are these truths: this is only a sliver of the heart ache Heavenly Father has for us when we are scared, in pain, or alone. He knows our trials and he is there and sometimes there are things we have to learn seemingly alone. We never are alone though. He is there and He will guide us and give us peace, on one condition, we look to Him and ask. Never be afraid to turn to Him and ask! He loves you so so much!!! Way more than I can comprehend. I also love you so so much and there is NOTHING you can do that would change that! I'll be honest, I may be heart broken and disappointed sometimes, but that will never make me not love you. And Heavenly Father is the perfect forgiver and He will always forgive you if you seek it. Our Saviour Jesus Christ made that possible by taking on him ALL your pain, physical and spiritual. He loves you too more than I can comprehend. And when you are heartbroken, when you see another's pain, know that that is a blessing from Heavenly Father to show you how He feels about you!
This is my testimony in the name of our beautiful Saviour, Jesus Christ Amen.