To Sawyer: From Mom

Dear Sawyer,
Today you are 6 months old. Wow, half a year. there have been many things that have happened these past months. I have had many different emotions in regards to being a mother, your mother. I want to share them with you even though not all of positive...most of them are though.
When you were first born I couldn't believe how big you were and I definitely couldn't believe that you ever fit in my tummy. I had been slightly worried that you would be an ugly baby, but of course, you were not. You were so cute and I wasn't the only one who thought so either. I still get compliments about you all the time.
The first few weeks I was surprised at how much energy I actually had. Then by week three the many wakings caught up to me and I was just going through motions. The first 6 weeks we had lots of problems with feeding you. There were times that I would just cry and curse when it was time to feed you again. Luckily we had lots of bottles and your dad works from home and helped feed you a lot, especially at night. You loved to just chill with him those first weeks. We also dealt with stuffy noses and thrush infections for the first two months. If was very frustrating.
I did love to just stare and stare at you. You would make the best faces. I loved wondering what you were thinking and what you were going to be like as you grew and grew. I still do today. There were times though that I would stare at you while I held you, changed you diaper, fed you and clothed you that I thought, "I feel like I'm just taking care of a doll" because you were so small and just loved to stare at the wall. Let's be perfectly honest, babies don't show much personality the first two months. I still loved you though and there were times I was so glad to have you here. I remember feeling so thankful for such a sweet and good natured baby. It strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father because I felt so thankful in my heart and I knew that the feeling could only make sense if I was thankful to someone who was real and involved in my life.
I also loved seeing you and Dosh and Kitty together. It made me so happy that Dosh wasn't jealous of you in a dangerous way. He loved you and still does. It was so fun to see him try and cuddle you anywhere you were whether that was in your car seat, my lap, the love sac or the floor.
As you have grown and smile and laugh and wiggle around I have been so excited to watch you. You make me laugh so much with the faces you pull, yes even the sad ones, and the things that you do. You are learning and growing so fast.
At 6 months you roll around, wiggle all over, smile laugh, eat, and talk. Boy are you a talker! (I think you take after me in that way!)
We've had our trouble with annoying sicknesses the past few months. Sinus infections over and over with fevers and coughing and gagging. I think as spring and summer come with the next 6 months of your life we will overcome those though. We also have had challenges with sleeping at night. Some times it seems we have figured out how to help you and me sleep better, but then you trick me and there is something else wrong. Some nights I don't mind and I rock you and cuddle you tight. Other nights tiredness has won and I cry and am so frustrated and don't know what to do. You get frustrated too when you haven't slept well. You can be a little more cranky in the evening.
One of the things I love the most about you is your little personality. I've always known you would have a special little personality, but it is fun to see what it is. It's not what I expected, but it doesn't make it any less fun. You love people and activities, but you get anxious and upset if it is noisy. You love church and the stores for that reason. It's not too loud, but there is a lot of people and things to see. You seem to be a thinker. It takes you a while to think something is funny. You also think that you are already such a big boy. You don't like bottles too much and have a hard time taking time these days. You do, however, love to drink out of regular cups. I even bought you sippy cups and you won't take even those unless the lid is off. Your Daddy says you are a Momma's boy. To that I disagree. You will play with others and by yourself. But when you are tired or hungry then you prefer me and that's okay.
I love you and look forward to seeing you grow even more. You will always be my little Soyman!

Love,
Mom